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compromise, communication, respect

communication, chemistry, compatibility

The Top Ten ‘Must-Haves’ for Men

I must have someone who is good at talking and listening.

You can ignore the stereotype -- the one about men just wanting a woman who will be quiet. eHarmony men want "a partner who is good at talking and listening." Simply put, if you're living a life with someone, you better be good at understanding what they think and sharing what you think. It takes two to tango.

I must have a partner who is emotionally healthy, and able to share a stable life with someone else.

Every man has dated the crazy woman. She screams when she's frustrated. She calls him at 3 a.m. wondering what he's doing. She hits on his friends. Crazy is hard to forget and so men place a special value on a woman who has a deep well of emotional health.

I must have someone who is willing to explore our sexual desires with passion and understanding.

Sex comes in next. Don't pretend you're not shocked. The facts are a great sexual relationship is vital to a successful long-term relationship, and couples who are willing to discuss it, at the appropriate time, have a much better shot at making it last.

I must have a partner who is honest and strong enough to do the right thing

Men are practical beings. When it's time to start thinking about the type of woman they want to live with and love for a long time the silly stuff goes out the window. What stays are values like: "I must have a woman who is honest and strong enough to do the right thing." Because a serious relationship means vulnerability; sharing secrets, sharing finances, sharing weakness; and a man needs a woman who can treat those things with the security they deserve.

I must have a partner who is gentle and kind.

When a man comes home at the end of a hard day, his ego in tatters, he's looking for a woman who's gentle and kind. When he thinks about someone to have children with he wants a woman who's gentle and kind. When he thinks about introducing her to his friends and family he wants a woman who is, you guessed it, gentle and kind. Nobody is perfect, but gentle and kind can make up a lot of ground.

I must have someone who can handle life's frustrations or momentary setbacks with a patient, steady, demeanor.

Steady. Patient. Sounds boring right? Not to men. The way we see it, the world outside the front door is full of frustration, danger, fear, and forces that cause chaos. The world within that door should do as much as possible to counterbalance all that. If love is battlefield, you want someone in your foxhole who can keep her head when the lead is flying.

BONUS Least Popular Must Have - I must have a partner who shares my willingness to volunteer and support community and/or social causes.

When it comes to eHarmony men the volunteer spirit is not a must have. We can hope it's a nice to have.

BONUS Least Popular Must Have - I must have a spouse who has saved herself sexually for marriage.

While clearly there are men out there who have an interest in virginity, eHarmony men rank it near the bottom. Perhaps this is because the average age of eHarmony users is somewhat older.

BONUS Least Popular Must Have - I must have someone who is willing to help me take care of my parents, now or when the time comes.

The least popular must have. Perhaps it's because a younger person just doesn't consider this a ranking concern. Maybe men feel that other must haves cover a range of attitudes and values that includes this one.

Five Spiritual Laws of Dating Success

#1: The Law of Giving
Adopting an attitude of giving is not only refreshing but appealing to a potential partner. Now, I am not talking lavish gifts but small tokens like compliments, saying a prayer for someone or something as simple as a flower. I think it is so sweet to focus on what you can give others, and not just about what this person is bringing to you.
#2: The Law of Karma
This is a good one. Karma can be a blessing or a bitch (no, Deepak didn’t say that). Treating everyone with honesty, kindness, respect and how you would like to be treated is so important in the fragile world that can be dating. Try it out – and see what comes back to you.
#3: The Law of Least Effort
Another biggie. Do not try to force something that isn’t there. Do not try to change another person or fit them into any sort of idealized mold. Accepting people for who they are will save you (and them) lots of grief down the road.
#4: The Law of Intention and Desire
Know what your intentions are (what you want) and stay true to your heart. This might be the most important part of this law: If things don’t work out – trust that there is a bigger reason and don’t fight the universe!
#5: The Law of Detachment
If you can practice this one – you are amazing! This one is really about staying in the moment, allowing yourself to be in a fluid place of not knowing what is next, and accepting the situation. Amen!

What Men Find Sexy About Women (the top ten list):

1. She’s Playful

Women who take themselves too seriously are seriously not sexy. There’s something about a woman who is comfortable enough to be playful, flirty, and not worry that she is risking her reputation. Please don’t confuse playful with silly. Silly women who are clowning for attention are vexing. In fact, one man suggested that playfulness is a great sign of maturity – a woman who loves life and isn’t ashamed to show it.

2. She's Beautiful

We had a solid discussion about what this means, and the standards were all over the map. Most every man agreed that a beautiful woman a) dresses in a way that flatters her figure b) puts effort into grooming and c) cares how men perceive her, even if the end result is very laid back and simple. There were few absolutes, except to say that a woman who thinks that going to the effort to look nice is somehow beneath her probably won’t be sexy to our test group.

3. She's a Grown-Up About Things Related to Sex

Some men were comfortable with sex only after marriage. Some men were comfortable with it much earlier in the relationship. But all the men wanted a woman who is comfortable talking maturely about sex when the time is right.

4. She Likes and Understands Men

You might say, “Don’t all women who are dating like men?” Not according to this group. Women who know how men function and love them for it are very sexy. There’s something about giving a man the rope he needs to pursue his passions that makes a woman irresistible.

5. She's Affectionate

It is hard to overestimate the impact of a physical connection to most men. A woman who understands this and gives affection freely is very sexy.

6. She Knows How to Say "Thank You"

Whatever your personal policies, early dating for most men is a time when they are spending money and making plans to arrange a nice evening. Our men greatly valued a woman who was able to say, “That dinner was fantastic,” and appreciated the work that went into planning the evening. A woman who has a spirit of gratitude signals to a man, “You can make me happy,” which is a primal component to attraction

7. She's Willing to Bend the Rules

A woman who has rules, respects the rules and can still say, “This weekend the rules don’t matter,” is very sexy, and rarer than you might think according to our band of brothers. It’s this “partner in crime” mentality that men seem to find irresistible.

8. She's Willing to Set Aside Her Fear

It isn’t being fearless that is sexy. It’s having the fear, feeling the fear, and saying, “I’m going to set this aside and go forward anyway.” That woman is sexy. She is truly living life. She is going to suffer some failures along the way, but men will be chasing her and asking for her number the whole way.

9. She's a Great Kisser

Every guy considers himself putty in the hands of a woman who knows how to give a great kiss. It can take a woman’s sex appeal from 0 to 10 in 30 seconds. Not sure how you rank?

10. She Likes to Laugh (at His Jokes)

Humor often comes up as a valuable trait, but it can be misleading. Men aren’t interested in women who crack jokes every other sentence. In fact, when he says he wants a women with a great sense of humor he’s usually saying “I want a woman who thinks I’m funny.” Not surprisingly, when she does think he’s funny and laughs out loud he finds that very sexy.